Saying Goodbye to Mama

10.04.2014

 

We laid Mama to rest in Levelland, TX with a beautiful service led by Uncle Harold.  Aunt Leslie, Mike, Uncle Robert, Aunt Beth, and Clifton all traveled from Colorado; making it the first time we had all been together in close to 6 years.  Debbie, Nana & Pa, Mike & Connie, and Reggie's family all came from Artesia to lend their love and support as well.

 

We were very blessed to have so many people there to lift us up in prayer and to share their hugs with us as we said goodby for now to Mama.  It was a truly unforgettable day that showed us just how precious our time on this Earth really is.

 

 

 

 

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be, so he put his arms around you and whispered
"Come to me".

Mama

 

 

My Mama had been sick for a few months and spent the majority of the summer in the hospital. After Joleigh was born in July and was transferred to Lubbock, I was lucky to be able to visit them both during our stay, since their hospitals were blocks from each other. About a month later I went back to visit Mama and bring her some pictures, since Joleigh wasn’t allowed to visit yet. I still remember her smile when she saw them – I could tell she was so proud of me!

On 9/11 she was moved to a nursing home/rehab facility, but her health took a turn for the worst that evening. She passed unexpectedly and I will never forget getting that call from my sister. It felt like my heart had literally been ripped out of my chest.

One of the hardest parts – we had just finished packing our bags and were planning to visit her the next day, since the new facility was going to let Mama meet Joleigh for the very first time. For whatever reason, God had other plans and that never happened for us.

I know the days will get easier, but for now I try to take it a day at a time. As a new mom I wish more than anything that I could just call and ask her questions about Joleigh. I have a multitude of friends and family available for support, but there are just some things that only my Mama will have answers to. I can’t even call them to find out how old I was when I started rolling over, eating solids, walking… or any of that stuff!

It breaks my heart that Joleigh will never know her grandparents on my side of the family. And that they’ll never make it to any of her birthdays, ball-games, or holiday activities. My only comfort comes in knowing that she has two guardian angels watching over her now.

Today marks 7 months since she's been gone and it literally feels like it happened yesterday.  The pain is still so hard to cope with and I struggle everyday with her loss.  I've been having a hard time moving forward with my life and am so very thankful that I still have my little family here to give me something to live for. 

Letters to Joleigh - 9 Months

 

Sweet baby girl you are already 9 months old.  Time is flying by and we are trying to make the most of each day we have with you.  I take tons of pictures and give you way too many kisses... and I just don't see that changing anytime soon.  =)



 

 

 

I noticed your second bottom tooth coming in on 3/4, so now you have a total of two teeth.  The weather has been great lately and you just love being outside.  I bring a comforter out and put it in the middle of the lawn with some toys for you to play with and you just play and play!  I can't take my eyes off you for two seconds though or you'll be stuffing grass and rocks in your mouth.  Your little chipmunk cheeks do a good job hiding things!

 

At your 9 month check-up you weighed in at 9lbs 10oz and are 28in tall.  You moved to size 4 diapers on 3/21 and are wearing size 12 month clothes now as well.  I love you dressing you up everyday.  You're such a little cutie pie and are sweet as can be. 

 

You're very much a Mama's girl and we can't leave you with anyone besides Ms. Mattie or you'll bawl your little eyes out.  I've made it a point to bring you around our families more often so you can start opening up to them but it's definitely been a slow process.  You think it's hilarious when I steal your paci and put it in my mouth - makes you squeal!  You still love bath time and tolerate when I brush your teeth before bed.  You've come to love your "bouncy-bouncy" a lot more over the last couple of weeks, which gives us a little time to get things done around the house.

 

I've been having a hard time leaving you every day.  Mama would love more than anything to just stay home with you.  I know that I'll never get these days back with you and I just feel like I'm missing out on so much.  I'm praying that God will answer my prayers and I'll be able to spend more time with you.

 

Love you beauty queen!