Margin - {Week 3}

We attended our third circle group meeting last night at Reg & Staci's with some other members of our church.  We're still deep in the Margin series and this weeks topic was on moral margin.

I'll start by saying that I grew up in a church of christ church and there were just some things that were never addressed - sex definitely being one of them. 

Our pastor started his sermon on Sunday by letting us all know that it would probably be something that would make us all a little uncomfortable - he wasn't lying!  The first thing he asked was "how many of you know someone whose life has been impacted by sexual sin".   I don't think there was anyone that didn't raise their hand.  It's amazing that out of a whole congregation there wasn't one person that hadn't been effected by it... a sign of the times, I suppose.

He went on to talk about how important it is to create your own "guardrails" within your marriage to prevent yourselves from crossing the fine line that leads to infidelity.  If you are constantly flirting with the line, it makes it extremely easy in a moment of weakness to cross it.  It's so important to have your own line of margin, to prevent crossing the real line; which we all know what that leads to. 

He also made a point to say that sin is sin in God's eyes... it's all the same.  Whether you are breaking the law while speeding or having an affair, technically there is no difference.  The only thing different is that some sins have horrible consequences for your time on Earth.  A speeding ticket will basically cost you only in monetary amounts.  However, having an affair has the opportunity to cause such a ripple effect that most people that are involved in them don't even realize will happen until it's too late.  It will change your relationships, not only with the spouse you cheated on, but with your kids (if you have them) and your families in general. 

I loved how he put it in another light - no one goes into a marriage saying "I'm going to wreck my family in 7 years and I'll just deal with it then".  No one does that!  It all happens as a result of not having margin in your relationship.  By not setting ground rules for your spouse and even more importantly, for yourself... you run the risk of falling into temptation. 

As newlyweds (celebrating our 1st anniversary next month!), this really hit home for me.  Not because we've had to deal with it at this point in our marriage, but because I just don't know what the future has in store for us.  It's so important that we build our marriage and our relationship on a solid foundation now, so that we can hopefully avoid that heartache in the future. 

Back to our meeting last night - there happens to be a couple that have endured this same struggle in the past 6 months.  After months of being separated and trying to sort out the mess their family was in, they moved back in together about a month ago.  They are determined to work on their problems and provide a stable, happy home for their two kids. 

It's so inspiring to me!  I think it's so easy (and I definitely do it myself) to say that you would leave in the event of that happening, but how awesome is it for them to show their kids that they made a mistake and also show them that they will do anything to make it right.  I know it was the most difficult thing they've ever gone through, but I can see in them when they talk about it, that they are hell-bent on making it work. 

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.  Perhaps they have to endure this hard time in order to bring their family closer to God.  Maybe it was meant to happen to them so that a young married couple (us) can look at them and see just how important it is to have communication in their marriage.  Whatever the reason may be, I will just keep them in my prayers.  I know I would want the same if I were in their shoes.

Our "Guardrails"
I'm not sure that we have ever really set ours in stone, these are just the steps I can think of off the top of my head that we've taken to protect our marriage.

*We don't go to bars without our spouses, unless we are with family. 
*We don't have friends of the opposite sex (unless they are mutual).
*We let each other know where we are at all times.
*We talk - a lot!  If something is on our mind, we make it known, always.
*We seek each other's approval with our finances.  We always talk about our purchases before they happen.
*We never have closed-door meetings with someone of the opposite sex at work. 
*We make it a point to spend a tons of time together - it's hard to become one if you're never around each other.

Some of these may seem a little extreme, but we do them out of respect for each other.  It works for us.  There is no one in the world as important to me as Graham and I plan on making our marriage last forever!