Saying Goodbye to Mama

10.04.2014

 

We laid Mama to rest in Levelland, TX with a beautiful service led by Uncle Harold.  Aunt Leslie, Mike, Uncle Robert, Aunt Beth, and Clifton all traveled from Colorado; making it the first time we had all been together in close to 6 years.  Debbie, Nana & Pa, Mike & Connie, and Reggie's family all came from Artesia to lend their love and support as well.

 

We were very blessed to have so many people there to lift us up in prayer and to share their hugs with us as we said goodby for now to Mama.  It was a truly unforgettable day that showed us just how precious our time on this Earth really is.

 

 

 

 

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be, so he put his arms around you and whispered
"Come to me".

Mama

 

 

My Mama had been sick for a few months and spent the majority of the summer in the hospital. After Joleigh was born in July and was transferred to Lubbock, I was lucky to be able to visit them both during our stay, since their hospitals were blocks from each other. About a month later I went back to visit Mama and bring her some pictures, since Joleigh wasn’t allowed to visit yet. I still remember her smile when she saw them – I could tell she was so proud of me!

On 9/11 she was moved to a nursing home/rehab facility, but her health took a turn for the worst that evening. She passed unexpectedly and I will never forget getting that call from my sister. It felt like my heart had literally been ripped out of my chest.

One of the hardest parts – we had just finished packing our bags and were planning to visit her the next day, since the new facility was going to let Mama meet Joleigh for the very first time. For whatever reason, God had other plans and that never happened for us.

I know the days will get easier, but for now I try to take it a day at a time. As a new mom I wish more than anything that I could just call and ask her questions about Joleigh. I have a multitude of friends and family available for support, but there are just some things that only my Mama will have answers to. I can’t even call them to find out how old I was when I started rolling over, eating solids, walking… or any of that stuff!

It breaks my heart that Joleigh will never know her grandparents on my side of the family. And that they’ll never make it to any of her birthdays, ball-games, or holiday activities. My only comfort comes in knowing that she has two guardian angels watching over her now.

Today marks 7 months since she's been gone and it literally feels like it happened yesterday.  The pain is still so hard to cope with and I struggle everyday with her loss.  I've been having a hard time moving forward with my life and am so very thankful that I still have my little family here to give me something to live for. 

Letters to Joleigh - 9 Months

 

Sweet baby girl you are already 9 months old.  Time is flying by and we are trying to make the most of each day we have with you.  I take tons of pictures and give you way too many kisses... and I just don't see that changing anytime soon.  =)



 

 

 

I noticed your second bottom tooth coming in on 3/4, so now you have a total of two teeth.  The weather has been great lately and you just love being outside.  I bring a comforter out and put it in the middle of the lawn with some toys for you to play with and you just play and play!  I can't take my eyes off you for two seconds though or you'll be stuffing grass and rocks in your mouth.  Your little chipmunk cheeks do a good job hiding things!

 

At your 9 month check-up you weighed in at 9lbs 10oz and are 28in tall.  You moved to size 4 diapers on 3/21 and are wearing size 12 month clothes now as well.  I love you dressing you up everyday.  You're such a little cutie pie and are sweet as can be. 

 

You're very much a Mama's girl and we can't leave you with anyone besides Ms. Mattie or you'll bawl your little eyes out.  I've made it a point to bring you around our families more often so you can start opening up to them but it's definitely been a slow process.  You think it's hilarious when I steal your paci and put it in my mouth - makes you squeal!  You still love bath time and tolerate when I brush your teeth before bed.  You've come to love your "bouncy-bouncy" a lot more over the last couple of weeks, which gives us a little time to get things done around the house.

 

I've been having a hard time leaving you every day.  Mama would love more than anything to just stay home with you.  I know that I'll never get these days back with you and I just feel like I'm missing out on so much.  I'm praying that God will answer my prayers and I'll be able to spend more time with you.

 

Love you beauty queen!

 



 

Letters to Joleigh - 8 Months

 

 

 

Hey pretty girl, believe it or not - you are already 8 months old!  This month has been a super busy month for you, as you've been accomplishing some pretty big feats.  It's really amazing to us how you wake up and can do things you couldn't the day before.  You're just awesome, no other way to put it!

 

Your first tooth broke through on the bottom on 2/14 and you weren't even fussy.  I wouldn't have even known you were teething by your actions, I just happened to notice it feeding you one day.  You like when Mama brushes your tooth with the finger brush and your strawberry toothpaste.

 

You've been working on learning to feed yourself a bit each night.  I give you puffs to munch on while I get your dinner fixed.  Most of it ends up on the floor, which is why Annie is starting to come around you more often.  You eat breakfast (pureed fruit with 2tbls cereal), dinner (pureed vegetable with 2 tbls cereal), and drink 4 bottles throughout the day in 4 hour increments.  You love to chew on fresh strawberries and apples in your mesh feeder as well.  Your starting to get a little hungrier during the day, so I think it's about time to introduce lunch feedings as well!

 

You are an absolute dream when it comes to putting you to sleep and I just hope it stays that way.  Your bedtime is 7pm and that's per your wishes.  You definitely let us know when you're ready to call it a day.  Naptimes vary because Ms. Mattie lets you kind of sleep as you want during the week while you're with her.  At home on the weekends I keep you on more of an every 2-3 hour schedule and you sleep really well that way too!  You know how I love my schedules!  =)

 

On 2/21 you sat up by yourself for the very first time.  I laid you down a few more times just to see you do it again and again.  You crawled across your room for the first time on 3/1 and of course I have video of both!  You're getting to be very vocal and it is super cute.  Sometimes I can get you to "talk" to me a bit on the way to Ms. Mattie's in the morning.  I just love your voice and can't wait until you're asking me questions all day long.  =)

 

You bring a kind of joy that neither of us have every felt.  You literally complete our lives and we love you so, little cutie pie!

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

Letters to Joleigh - 7 Months

 

Have I told you lately that I love you?!  Who am I kidding - if you could talk, you'd probably say that that I tell you too much.  And that's just fine with me!  I just can't believe it, but you're already 7 months old.

 

 

You are sitting up like a champ, have started kind of crawling... but you're only going backwards at this point.  It's so freaking cute though.  You always back yourself up under your crib, the bed, a table... and then SCREAM at me to come get you out.  Too cute!  You moved up to size 3 diapers on 1/30 and starting taking 6 oz bottles every 4 hours on 1/12.

 

One of the scariest moments I've had with you to date came on 1/23.  I brought you to our room to change your diaper and laid you on our bed, like I have done countless times before.  I turned to get a diaper and some wipes out of my dresser drawer, and I heard a thud and your little pacifier rolled in front of my feet.  I quickly looked over and you were laying on the floor on your back.  Poor baby girl, the fall had knocked the breath out of you.  I. Freaked. Out.  I was just screaming and your Dad thought someone had broken into our house I was so ecstatic.  Once I started crying, you started laughing and I knew you were going to be ok.  Apparently Mama has a funny cry-face.

 

Your Daddy and I are having the best time watching you grow and we love celebrating all your "firsts" with you.  We're just so very proud of you!!

 

 

 

 

The Polar Express - Lubbock, TX

We traveled to Texas the first week of December to take Ayanna and Joleigh on the magical Polar Express.  We sipped hot chocolate and munched on cookies while reading the Polar Express story.  The train took us to the North Pole where we picked up Santa and his little elves.  Joleigh was excellent up until she started crying and projectile vomited all over me.  I guess it made her feel better though - she immediately fell asleep in my arms.  Ahhh, the joys of motherhood!    The ride was super cute and I look forward to taking Joleigh again while she 'still believes'!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanksgiving

We take turns spending holidays with our families, since Kelly and her family live a few hours away.  This was our year to spend Thanksgiving with Graham's family.  Since they do their meal at dinner, we decided to spend lunch with my sister, Peggy and her family.  We're very blessed to have lots of family that live close to us and I'll be the first to say that we don't take advantage of it near as often as we should.  We really enjoyed spending time with everyone for Thanksgiving!

 

Mama & Joleigh

 

Granny, Connie, and Mike

 

Graham & Susan

 

Baby girl was mad at her Mama!

Joleigh and Nana

 

After a long day with tons of people, this sweet lady was more than happy to get changed into her jammes!

 

Joleigh and her cousins "doing the Joleigh".